Saturday, May 11, 2024

Thoughts and Impressions- From the Mind of A 35-Year Old Lady


"I married late, and now I’m in a wrong relationship. What else do I do? Who else can I talk to? Won’t people shame me when they see that I married late and still married the wrong person? Won’t there be too much embarrassment and insult from people? I don’t think this marriage thing is for me. I don’t think God has blessed me with the right people in life. I’m always a victim of people’s wickedness and cruelty. Someone will come into my life, pretend they love me, but later injure me. They are only after their selfish gains.

I lost value for people. I lost trust in them. I don’t believe people anymore, and I don’t trust them anymore. I know it’s hard to close my mind against people, but I think I will find my peace. I think I need my space. I need to move away from people and just focus on myself. I need to focus on my life and just do my own thing. I need to quiet all the distractions around me.

Yes, people have been good to me, and people have been bad to me. I know there are still good people on earth. Maybe they are not meant for me. Maybe God just wants to punish me by bringing bad people my way. I don’t know. I’m just saying, and I don’t want to offend God. I don’t want it to seem like I’m putting blame on Him, so that He won’t get angry at me.

Many times life can be difficult. We can go through trials and temptations. Situations will happen that are so overwhelming and sometimes discouraging. But in all, I’ve learned not to give up on myself. I’ve learned to still hold on to faith and hope. I’ve read the Bible many times, and I’ve picked some words that resonated with my spirit from it.

I know God said He will not leave us alone, even when we go through trials and temptations. He will be with us when we go through waters and fire. And indeed, He never disappoints. Even though at the beginning, it might seem disappointing, but God will never disappoint. His Spirit will still comfort and counsel us. His love will still cover us. We will still be under His guidance. He will never fail us.

These are some of the encouraging words I use myself. They are some of the beliefs I hold dear in my heart. I know even if I fail in my marriage, I will not fail in life. I will still fulfill life and purpose. I will still stand and hold myself. I will still live that good life I want to live. I will be healed, and the Lord will continue to comfort me. His Spirit will continue to guide me, and I will continue to dwell in His presence.

When people come to me in the form of brethren, when they come to me in the form of a family, I become more skeptical and cynical. I read meanings into their actions and everything they do. Don’t blame me. It’s because of my experience. I’ve experienced a lot more than to overlook now those things that people do. Any little thing now is a red flag for me to either close up or refrain from people.

Life has seemed more complicated than the way it was before, and things have become way more difficult. I guess it’s we human beings that have complicated life and have made things difficult for ourselves.

I think we don’t need much in this life to really be successful. We don’t need to buy too many houses or cars or luxuries that are too exorbitant all in the name of enjoying life. I think there is more in less. I think we can value and appreciate the little things we have in our life.

And even come to think of it, there is nothing we have here that we’ll take along when we leave here. In other words, whatever we acquire here stays here. Nothing is going to leave with us – which doesn’t make sense for us to acquire too many, only to realize that we only have a few years to enjoy them. How ridiculous is that?

Nobody holds the right to anything in life. Nobody knows for how long they’re going to live on earth. So, that means we really have to live lean, not in an opulent, prodigious way. I’m not saying we should not enjoy abundance or live a life of prosperity, I’m only saying we should not attach too much value to all these mundane things. We should value life more than the things we enjoy in it.

If I have tried to enjoy my family, and it’s difficult to, or I’ve tried to enjoy my work and it’s difficult to, then I rather focus on my life. I rather find time to look for what I really enjoy in my life and do it. I shouldn’t live at the mercy of people. I should live my own life and enjoy it.

Though at first it might be challenging to do some things. It might be challenging to take some decisions. But at the end of the day, you will be the one who will benefit from those decisions. You will be the one who will have your peace.

And it is when you are good for yourself that you will be good for others. Being good to others comes from being good to yourself. We always hear you can’t give what you don’t have. You only give when you have. So, have first, before you think of giving. Be a blessing to yourself first before you be a blessing to others.

I know there are people who think it’s selfish to think of yourself first. They think it’s greed and being inconsiderate to think of what you will gain or benefit from something, but that’s how life is. Something must benefit you before you benefit something. And if you don’t receive, you can’t give.

And in this, I’m not saying you should be overly selfish or greedy. Too much of anything is not good. But I know that for everyone of us, there is an amount of selfishness that is in us. We are all selfish in our own way. Whether we make it obvious or not. Everyone is selfish. And this is not a bad thing. It’s a way for us to survive and thrive. 

It is when we are good that we can be good to others. So, we must take care of ourselves first. 

So, go ahead and take care of yourself. Be good to yourself and take care of things that matter most in your life.

I believe as you keep moving and growing, you will keep getting better, and success will be your portion. I will drop the pen for now. Thanks for reading, and bye for now!"

Mirroring the mind of a 35-year-old lady who was ruminating early in the morning.

Crafted by
S.O PIENS, MD
May, 2024


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